antiautomation

Our deepest fear is not that

we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful

beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness,

that frightens us.

We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant,

gorgeous, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are we not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small

doesn't serve the world.

There's nothing enlightened about

shrinking so that other people

won't feel insecure around you.

We were born to make manifest the glory

of God that is within us.

It's not just in some of us, it's in everyone.

And as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give other people

permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fears,

our presence automatically

liberates others.



Nelson Mandela

So I very nearly got in a fight the other day with this cocksucker of a roommate whose other name is Zane (who I gave 30 days notice to leave). It would have been a fight if it weren't for another one of my roommates stopping it. The guy's an asshole. I had just mopped the floor and as I walk out of my room I see him ashing his cigarette right on it. This is not the first time he's been a bastard like that. Earlier that day he spilled an entire ashtray on the floor (which I had also just mopped) and still has yet to clean it up. So anyway, ask him to stop ashing on the floor. He continues. So i stub two used cigarette butts on the back of his neck and put them in his collar. Good times. The guy wanted to fight me naturally, but it's a funny thing, I would definitely be able to take him even if he DIDN'T have a broken arm. Stupid fuck. But I realized that the feeling I got as I was about to lunge at him, is a feeling that I have not experienced in a long time. It awoke some part of me that made me feel so god damn alive. I couldn't sleep that night because the feeling wouldn't go away. The day he moves out of here, he's going to get a swift beating for no other purpose than for me to release my contained anger against him. It's really cliche to nod to Fight Club, but in this case, I can do nothing but.

You're all so lame. I swear to god, I though I was a geek at at time, but now I look around and there's all this customization of pages going on. Even by hot girls. This must mean that you all know HTML or something, which is fucking lame. Stop that shit, get off your god damn computer and livejournal.com and fucking do something. Lame-ass. If I knew how to change the goddamn background and make my lettering blue and pink or whatever with superb HTML skills, and actually put as much time as some of you look like you have, I'd shoot myself at the earliest possible convenience. 718.208.4579. lets fuck some shit up.

I want............................
You are...........................
I wish............................
This is...........................
Where is..........................
We have...........................
I am..............................
I got.............................
I'm not...........................
I kept............................
I dreamt..........................
Tonight was.......................
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The inadequacies of language.

Ok you whiny livejournalers, listen up. Get off your computers, and go to New Orleans. That's all I have to say. And take the god damn train...there's nothing as awe inspiring as coming in over the bridge over the Mississippi and seeing it all and coming to this place like you were meant to as all of the other great people have. In fact, take the train everywhere. Remember, bourbon street and the french quarter, while very nice, are not the best things that New Orleans has to offer, it's simply a starting point. THIS CITY ROCKS, i mean, it just really really kicks ass. The trolleys give you complete mobility for 5 bucks a day! The best funky/jazz music I've heard to date, and I'm only here for two nights! And the people, so friendly! Back home to NYC tomorrow morning, goodbye New Orleans.

has anyone had a chance to see bukowski: born into this yet? and if yes, is it worth seeing tonight?

My second post on livejournal, which I said I'd never post on.

I see her everywhere, but she's not there, I think it's her, and she'll turn around and it's not, but my heart is already racing. Why haven't I actually seen her. And why do I know that I won't.

Tucson has something on me, while I've been here spending some actual time, I've realized some really important things about where I've been, where I'm going, what's important, and what's not.

Epic (v): 2. Surpassing the usual or ordinary, particularly in scope or size: “A vast musical panorama... it requires an epic musical understanding to do it justice”. A very fitting name, for a very fitting cafe, that has provided me with some very fitting epiphanies.

Girl that talks to me slowly and stares at me in the eyes without looking away, stay with me in Brooklyn.

Bike riding around Tucson for miles and miles at night with Max and running into old highschool friends.

Rationality. Deep thought. Honest Laughter.

Sweat that evaporates from your skin.

Realizing that some people that you see the least are the ones you should be with the most.

Cafe Poca Cosa, my home and second mother.

Looking forward to going back to New York.

Hoping people will visit.

I'm going from vague to more vague.

Laptops. Ipods. Music. Solar Culture. Sex. Drugs. Cigarettes. Movies. KXCI. AM RADIO. Flat Tires. Fix-a-Flat in a can. Inner Thoughts. Looks. New Shoes. Food. Grasshopper Pie. Pinback. Hating Cars. Giving Gifts. Paying for someone's meal. Hanging out in Parking Lots. South Tucson. Old Apartments. Comfort. Reminiscing. Yearning. Loving. Wanting. Disliking. Drinking. Confusion. Uncertainty. Brothers and Sisters. Silence. Rain. Lightning. Dryness. Sodium Lighting. Chicago. Sadness. Depression. Happiness. Pictures. Loneliness. Keys. Shrooms. Pot. Water. Mexican Food. Pending Transitions. Liars. Lying. Train Stations. Amtrak. Boxers. Sleeping Over. Stories. Showers with someone in the bathroom. Sleep.

It's been a long two weeks, and a great time. I still have 2 more days, and so much to do before I go to Mexico, and then almost directly back to Brooklyn. Maybe I've seen some of you on the other end of this livejournal, or maybe I have yet to run into you. Either way, it's been good.

It's been an interesting past 2 months. Everything's changed. Where I live, my plans for the summer, next year, and god dammit, a lot of these things have gone completely wrong.

I come home last night to find that, upon seeing if one of my roommates was home because he hadn't payed rent yet, he has flown the coop. Not only did he not pay rent, but he had owed me $300 from before. Now I'm never a violent person, and I can't remember the last time I was in a physical fight, but I have contemplated the many different ways I could totally disable him, even though he's larger than me. It all depends on the amount of surprise it is that I'm attacking him. If he expects it and sees me coming, I have little chance of victory without injury to myself. However, if I manage to attack him when he least expects it, I can seriously fuck him up. I know where he works. And unless he pays me $300 that he owes, plus his international phone bill, I plan to go through with it. I kicked a hole through his wall last night out of anger and intoxication.

Stupid move, because now I have to fix it.

On top of all this, I was walking down the street to return a video and I have my car in town because I'm trying to sell it. I glance through the window, and notice some things awry, including the passenger and rear door unlocked. I look a little further to see that someone stole my stereo. I wasn't at all surprised, the way things were going. I just sighed, turned up my ipod (I was listening to The Avalanches), and kept walking. On the way back, I checked it out to see how much damage was done, and I'm thankful that they at least didn't break the window to get it, they were actually somewhat nice and instead of breaking the window, just jimmied open the door. But they had to be cocks about it when they got in the car and fucking practically take a crowbar to the console, breaking all kinds of plastic and messing up the center console enough that I'm actually going to have to spend several hours repairing it. Not to mention buy a new stereo for when I sell the car. I mean, the stereo just slides out without even unscrewing anything, couldn't they have tried that first? I would've gladly taken it out for them if the asked too. What do I care, just out of gratitude for them not breaking my window I would've done it.

It just gives me more energy and aggression for when I kick Victor's god damned irish head into the ground.

i don't post anything in my livejournal. i only use it to read people's journals when i'm really bored and doing nothing.